Oh my... I just found out that I'm probably the meanest and most cold-hearted person in the world, because

I
don't
like
babies.

Yes, it's true. I had to take the subway today and I was a little late so I ran to the waiting train, and was about to set one foot into a cabin.... and saw a mother with a baby sitting there. And what did I do?! I turned around and got out again! Checked the next door and it was empty except for the train cleaning personell who were emptying the little waste baskets. So I got in there.

While I was sitting in the train, it hit me: I just preferred fuckin trash to a baby!

And I would do it again!

Oh man, I am so mean. And honestly, I never really liked babies... even when I was still one! They are loud and barf on you.

Jeez, I feel like I am the Grinch that stole Chistmas or something. I feel really bad. Seriously! Go hate me now... but don't hate me TOO much because I might as well steal YOUR Christmas too!

... I just found out how people discuss the birds and bees with the kids nowadays and I thought I'd share.


in the newspaper

So, in case you wonder where the babies come from, you're not alone: there is this green dog named Paule Po (which roughly translates to Paule Butt). He doesn't know where babies come from either. But he so wants one! Preferably an elephant baby.


Paule Po

He does everything he can think of, but no baby. He even asks an apple fairy for advice. She does some, umm, apple fairy stuff but that didn't help with getting a baby either. So what to do next? Hmmmmm... .

Luckily, Harald Lehmann notices poor Paule Po. He approaches him and tells him in a calm voice that he, being male and a fluffy green dog, can not have babies. That's sad, thinks Paule, and so confusing!

That's when Harald takes his 2, anatomically correct, dolls out of his pocket and undresses them.


discover, look, feel!

Paule is allowed to touch the private parts of the dolls. Everything's still all confusing, yet Paule get strangely aroused.

Oh well, I hate to stop when it gets interesting, but this is just too weird. I'm not making this up, there IS a musical for kids in theatres in Hamburg right now and the storyline really IS something like I told you. I'm not too sure about the musical, but kids seem to love it. I think.


Applaus!

Remember how I was all scared before I left for California that I might die in an earthquake (since I thought that there are a couple of earthquakes a day over there)? But nothing happened.

Now I'm back in Hamburg and guess what? An earthquake hit parts of Northern Germany on wednesday! Aaahhh!!!



It was devastating.


The door of 42 years-old Andreas Lange doesn't shut that well anymore.


Some cookies fell off the shelves and an elderly woman had to pick them up again.


Thomas Becker and Katharina Jeorgakopulos were seriously pissed.

I'm still in shock and awe. But I survived.

When I turned on the telly today I was delighted to see Germany's favorite, David Hasselhoff, perform his smash-hit "Crazy For You".

[click to enlarge]


"See, I'm crazy for you, you're crazy for me!"


Hasselhoff on his way to tear down the Berlin Wall with his own hands and teeth.


Yes, it says "Trash 100" on this pic, but we mean it in a good way.

*sigh* I feel like watching some Baywatch now.

Stairs I had to climb because the lifts were not working:


click to enlarge

15 floors. FIFTEEN! The water drops you can see on some steps are probably my tears.

On better news: I got an "A" in Tuesday's English test! Yay! That means I'm a) fluent in English and b) psychic, since I obviously got that gap-fill test right.

Yesterday's English test was quite good, I'm pretty sure that I passed. I'll get the result on friday.

On tests like that you're usually asked to discuss a current political or social issue and I was SO hoping that this topic would be the election in America, but nahhh, it wasn't. So, unfortunately, I found no opportunity to stand up and yell "You're all economic girly-men!". I've had wet dreams about doing that for the last 10 days.
Instead, they gave us - a bunch of women - the topic "You're all way too fat!" to discuss. Now that's what I call a good idea. OK, that wasn't the exact title of the topic, but it sure was about diets and how the population on average is getting fatter and fatter and the health issues that go along with that and blablabla.

Another task we were given was a gap-fill test. You know, you get a text were every 3rd word is left blank and you have to fill in the fitting word. The topic of the text was something like "The environmental consequences of the 2000 Kyoto protocol (and America not having signed it)". That task was quite hard and you could hear the crowd going "What the fuck?!?!" when we were handed the papers. Because the text looked something like this:

"A _________ _________ greenhouse __________ _________ th_______, so __________ ________ __________. _______ __________ ________m__________ Kyoto? __________ _________ the _______, having ________ ___________ ______ that ________ _______. Amer_ca st_nks."

D'Oh.

All the efforts with this test are in order to get me into special courses the Hamburg University offers, so I can add an international degree to my studies plus some fancy language certificate. So I'll be a student for some more months, but I think (hope) that those extra-qualifications will help me later when I'll have to find a job in America.

Brrr....


Freddie -the really mean cat- is prepared though.

Ah! I'll have an english language-test tomorrow - yuck - keep your fingers crossed that I won't screw it up. One should think that I'm pretty secure in english, having spent 2 months in America this summer, but naaahhhh. I learned exactly 4 new words there: gargantuan, dollop, buoyant and... ummm... well... ok, I learned exactly 3 new words. In the same time, I lost about 400 german words, but that's another story.

OK, where was I going with this? Ah yes, I have a language test tomorrow and you should all keep your fingers crossed, that test is important for my future.

I'll bring my American stationary set, hoping that the American spirit will overcome me and make my tongue speak in sweetest english only.

Lookie here, my stationary set [click to enlarge]:


desktop storm


Enduring sharpness... my pencil-sharpener

Btw, Jonnie introduced me to a great comic series this summer, I just remembered it again when talking to him some minutes ago. Clickety click here and then on "Get your war on", it's funny as hell.

I just remembered a conversation I had this summer in California with some about 40 years-old man. I was sitting on a bench waiting for a bus and he sat down next to me, suddenly holding a half-empty cup of lemonade right under my nose.

man: "Want to drink from my lemonade?"
me: "Oh! No, thank you!"
man: "It's good!"
me: "I think so, yes. Still, no thank you."
man: "Don't you like lemonade?"
me: "I sure do, I'm just not thirsty right now."
man: "You have an accent, where are you from?"
me: "Germany."
man: "So, Germans don't have lemonade."
me: "We sure do HAVE lemonade."
man: "But Germans don't LIKE lemonade."
me: "Oh well, we like lemonade just as much as we like other sodas or tea or so. Though I have to say that German lemonade isn't as good as Californian lemonade, I really like the stuff you have here!"
man: "So where do Germans get their lemonade from? Holland?! HAHAHAHAHA"

Then the man stood up and left,laughing his ass off.

That was, umm, weird.

A postcard from a dear friend arrived today. It shows a picturesque beach scene on the greek island Thassos.


[click to enlarge]

Beautiful.

Oh my... after almost 3 months I'm finally back in Hamburg, back in my own rooms, back on my computer and obviously back blogging.

One should think that I have MANY storys to tell.... about the time with my wonderful boyfriend, about my several near-death experiences in planes or about my new best friends from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.

But today isn't a good day for telling stories. Today's one of those days where you're all busy and everything seems to go wrong. You know these days, don't you? It starts to rain when you go outside, you arrive at the post office 3 minutes after it closed and... and... IS THAT KITTY GIVING ME THE FINGER?!?!?!


my 'Hello Kitty cherry scented putty eraser'

ARGH!!